Carroll College - Helena, MT

Awkward Subject

November 19, 2008

Whether expected or unexpected, death is an awkward subject to discuss.

I have had Carroll students ask for advice on how to approach a fellow student who has returned to campus after making a trip home for a funeral. Normal conversation seems inappropriate as a conversation starter.

Finding the balance between acknowledging the death, expressing care or concern, not prying into personal business and offering assistance can cause discomfort or awkward silence. I offer these simple conversation starters as suggestions:

"How was your trip home?"

"How was the funeral?"

"How is your family handling the death?"

These openers can easily be followed by:

"How is your mom/dad doing?"

"Did everyone in the family behave themselves?"

"Are you glad you made the trip home?"

Reach out to fellow students returning from a funeral. Give them a chance to talk about their experiences, perspectives or feelings. Who knows--there might even be a funny story about the funeral or the death. Give your friend a chance to share, laugh, cry or babble. JDH