Carroll College - Helena, MT

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Welcome to the Wellness Center

ask a nurseThe Wellness Center is committed to your physical and emotional/mental well-being. When you feel well, you are better able to enjoy life and are more successful in accomplishing your goals. In fact, when you are up-to-par physically and emotionally, you are better able to handle the every-day challenges of life.

Please don't wait until you are feeling overwhelmed, come early and visit us at the Wellness Center. The sooner you address a personal issue, be it physical or emotional, the easier it is to resolve.

Overwhelmed?

How Do I Talk To My Parents?

By:  Carol Chisholm LCPC LAC

Associate Director of Counseling

Wellness Center


The topic for this article came to me on the heels of a conversation I recently had with a group of students.   A common frustration they shared ….how do I begin to make myself heard and understood and taken seriously by adults….particularly parents?   I immediately identified with their struggle at that age and at any age when we are confronted with “senior thought.”

 

As young adults, you are emerging from adolescence and beginning to take on your adult self …albeit still a “young self.”  Granted, there are some clear limitations to that history and experience .   0k…let’s just put the argument you are going to hear anyway….you’ve only walked the planet for 18 to 22 years!  Doesn’t this count for something?   I’m here to say, yes, of course it does!!!

This is the dilemma of parents and their offspring…. they must separate; not just physically but psychologically.   A young adult needs to learn and grow through their own dilemmas and, yes, perhaps make mistakes along the way.   I call these “learning experiences.”  They also might just come up with some exceptionally creative ways…perhaps even brilliant ways… of solving life problems if given the chance to challenge ideas that have fossilized and stand in the way of progress.

 Yes, parents still pay the bills and have some influence in my life….but does that give them the right to own my thinking?   No, it doesn’t.   Not unless you intend to be an indentured servant for the rest of your life.

So how do you begin a dialogue with these terrifying folks called “parents”?   These are the ones you also love, respect, and are grateful for the many sacrifices they have made for you.   In fact, you may use these very arguments to decide that you don’t have a right to address your concerns.   The problem with that argument is that while you are busy addressing your loyalty to your parents and your respect for them….you, at the same time, are ignoring an important loyalty to the self.    This is never an easy task….as we grow, the differences between what we want and what our parents might want for us can deepen.   Although this may seem like an impossible chasm, the only way to bridge it is to begin a dialogue that opens up the differences.  There is no magic answer  in how to do this…it requires some inner strength that you may have to develop in yourself…..things like courage and staying calm in the face of disagreement.   Since I don’t have a magic bullet, I can only encourage you to try. 

The only way one becomes “self” is to begin to establish clear and defined statements about who you are and who you intend to become.   This is not to be confused with self centeredness or a “my way or the high way” approach to relationships. This is really the process of how we become mature selves who speak with authority.   If you want to be taken seriously, then you must begin to take yourself seriously by honoring your own convictions.